What it takes to say yes to an inter caste marriage?

I am sure every Indian youth, irrespective of caste, creed, sect or sex, would have encountered a situation where a side has to be chosen - support an inter caste marriage or not.

As a first impulsive response to this query, 90+% would say they do not support caste system at all and would like it to be eradicated from India. But, after a deeper introspect, many would start considering external criterion like wish of parents, kinds of adjustments that one will have to do, the society and the status and many more. The real answer may remain a 'no' but, in action, it would be 'yes'. From the experiences of people around, I can say that most of the relationships in India break due to inter caste differences at the time of final commitment.

A similar question has been put to me many a times. I being a 'Jain', face much more restrictions. For me considering any non-Jain prospect would not just be an inter caste but an 'inter-religion' tie up. Thus all above factors contribute in double fold. But in between all the thoughts, I fail to understand the real challenge to take a bold decision.

Is the biggest challenge going against one's parents' will? From the day a girl is born, parents have a wish that after her marriage, she be happy in her in-laws house. That, she makes them proud and makes a nice home. After wedding, a situation occurs when the girl has to choose between her parents and husband (and believe me these situations arrive). Here, everyone including parents, husband, in-laws and 'the society' will expect the girl to choose her husband over her parents. Because that is her final home, her future, her life. Thus I say, why not make the similar choice before marriage. Marriage to me seems to provide a legal licence to take such a decision, while the parties involved and the consequences in both circumstances remain the same.

Do the kind of adjustments the biggest challenge? Eating habits? Jainism is considered to be 'the most' restrictive religion when eating is considered. Many vegetables are not permitted. The supper is expected to be completed before sunset because lot of small organisms would die if a fire is lit after dark. Now consider the worst case. The guy is a non vegetarian and loves none other but non veg food. After marriage, he would be implicitly assumed to quit having non-veg. A more humble solution for him would be have non-veg food outside (... with a packet of mentos at the end :D) Many other such adjustments I can think of (cooking, living style etc) can be worked upon. It would be a test of mutual understanding and respect for each other's religion. In long term this will be beneficial, as the bond of togetherness with strengthen by small compromises.

I would give society a one-line. I don't give a damn to what others would have to say or gossip, so discarding this point.

Another challenge is to follow the traditions. May be till now I am not aware of why a particular festival is celebrated in a religion. But over time, I can learn the reasons, the beliefs and gradually would be able to give due respect to the same. So not a challenge.

The next point which I feel to be a real challenge is faith in respective Gods. I have worshipped the superpower by a name (Lord Parshvnath). I have utterest faith in God. I give the credit of all good in my life to HIM. I also believe that there is only one God, and names are created by humans. But, given a situation, I am asked to replace the name in my heart, by Shiva, Ganesha, Jesus or Allah or any other name used by humans to refer to HIM. It is a possible task, but would I be able to do it. My answer is 'No'. Even if I try, I would not be 100% true inside. It is very much similar to love my guy by a different name. A general solution people seek is worshipping individual Gods or putting pictures of both the Gods in house and saying prayers to both. This also I think is not a pure solution. I have place only for one in my heart. And that place can not be shared. If I try to share, it will be breaking faith with both. This is like loving two people at the same time and giving equal respect and place in life. This can never be achieved. I am not sure if anyone will ever understand this point deeply, but I always feel this to be a challenge. May be this could be worked upon and I might be unaware of a right approach at present. Btw, did I mention that for an Indian girl, her husband is bigger than all Gods... oops now I did ;-)

signing off!

G'nite!